Mature

When I was very small I was very old
I was very old in my brain
I was very old in my body
But most importantly

I was very old in my sound
We like to shorten words around here
We talk about the f word
The c word
The m word barely gets a mention
But in some places, it is mentioned too much

It has a taste
Like licking an ID card
Like carrying an instrument instead
Like inheriting a nick name
from someone who’s grown out of it

They used to listen with their eyes closed
I couldn’t tell if what they were imagining
was more or less
than me

Ruby Solly

This poem is part of a larger series on the history, current landscape, and hopefully future solutions about rape culture within the music industry, both within Aotearoa and nationally. This series was inspired by the launch of ‘Tika’, my own experiences being in the music industry since my early teens, and the experiences of all the people I’ve spoken with about their experiences over the last fifteen years; from all sides of the culture. Hopefully we can get a birds eye view together and see where we can fly. If you have experienced sexual harm within the industry, or within your wider llife, know that many of us stand with you, and please check out Tika if you are feeling that reporting is the best next step for you or music helps for more support with your mental wellbeing.
Ruby

Ruby Solly (Waitaha, Kāi Tahu, Kāti Māmoe) is a taonga pūoro practitioner, musician, composer, writer, doctor of public health, and general polymath-who-is-bad-at-math. She has had two books longlisted for the Ockham Book Awards, ‘Tōku Pāpā’ (2020) and ‘The Artist’ (2023). As a musician / taonga pūoro player, she has played with the likes of Marlon Williams, French for Rabbits, Whirimako Black, Yo-yo Ma, and Tararua, her favourite band. She has a PhD in the use of taonga pūoro within hauora Māori and believes in a safe music world, and a safe ao pūoro, for everyone.

Poetry Shelf will post poems from Ruby’s ongoing series over the coming months.