Notes for Taylor Swift, should she ever write a song about me
I look for men like I look for nouns, though
I have very little use for them once I find them.
I write out their names like blank cheques
and put my trust in their honesty. I revise
my lists until I have no time to action them.
Yes, they’re meant to be an efficient exercise
in compartmentalisation, but there’s always
something I’ve overlooked so I rip them up
and start again. Like they say—once more
with feeling! I lack the mechanics to say no,
but I do have the common sense to run away
from falling pianos. Some men I’ve loved
have lacked that initiative. I’m destined
to be a poster boy without a cause,
without a slogan. But you can at least
give me a chance, right? Make me a hit song
for the ages—the last great crossover ballad.